getting something started

I have spent a lot of my life planning,when i was 5 i was planning my whole life in my head while staring at the TV set spacing out. Then most of my plans were pretty unrealistic,they still are at times. More then half of what i plan never sees the time of day,i don't blame it on motivation more so the fact that if they were to be completed or started they might be finished. At 16 i was planning on dropping out of high school and move to California to stay with a friend i meet off a Internet blogging site, Now for the past 5 years i haven't spoken to her. At 18 i was planning on going to college for photo,but i found out that plan was to early for me.19 i thought i would move to Hollywood make a life of my own,i spent a month there and went back to Indiana. my only plan for the past 7 years to finish was at the age of 20 i decided to isolate myself from all things,rethink what Am inside take this world in and find a place with in it that makes me conftable and happy. Then when that was to be completed to build my own life from that,it took me a year to do all those things at the age of 21 i packed only of what i really needed into my parents little jeep and moved to Chicago. I have been living here over a year now. I have experienced a ton,felt so many feeling that i have been waiting to feel for awhile now.I felt lust,love,heartbreak,fear,depression,insecurity,lose of friendships,new friendships,strength,and I have developed new qualities in myself that i thought i would never gain. In the past year i have went from tight,lonely,and boxed up Amanda to feeling like i can show some parts of myself to people that i couldn't before.From all of this i truly feel like i have made a home for myself.

Even these past couple of months have produced so many plans that will never get started,I even lost some part of me that i have gained from the isolation,but the struggle of finding that again is what I'm looking forward to the most. I still know who I'm and AM not ashamed of my easy going attitude and my strange to try to see though the negative in people. I slip sometime and do see them more then i should but i still try to  push myself way from that.I'm always going to be the sensitive one in situations, sometimes i feel weak for that but caring and over thinking to much isn't all that bad at times.I just need to control when its a good or bad time to be over sensitive.

22 and my next plan is to see if I'm ready for college yet or another move possibly i will take a step to planing a move to Portland to push myself a little father as to go where i know no one so I'm pushing myself out of my shell.

there are lots of plans I'm going to make that is going to never get started but I'm happy to see myself dreaming up a life,and at least thinking about what I'm going to do.

I have no ideas to where this blog will end up maybe in the lost Internet files like that rest or maybe i will take advance of this one and express myself a little further. help explain myself to me,maybe if i see stuff written down i could understand a little more of what is going on in my head. 

I'm going to grow for what ever experiences come my way i have learned that young and I'm so looking forward to all the bad that might come,it sort of draws me in for some odd reason.